Outlook Not So Good

My Master has not been the same. I worry for him. He is under so much stress, and I feel so helpless, I feel as if there is nothing I can do. Except being there. Simply being there. I haven't strayed far from his side lately. I just keep hoping, that the madness I see in his eyes will fade. That the anger will disappear and, well, that none of this will be directed towards me. It is a fear, I admit. And at the same time? If I knew.. that it would help him, I'd gladly give myself up to whatever means necessary to get him back to the way he used to be.

It is so strange. Not so long ago, I hated the man. Despised the sight of him for what he'd done to me. And it was only days ago that I confessed to him that I love him. I did not expect anything in return. I wasn't waiting for anything in return. Yet, the kisses he pressed to my brow said.. so much, without him having to say a single word. They were.. loving. Tender. I wanted the moment to last forever. I wanted.. the way I felt then.. to never end.

Then, he told me something that set me on edge. I am frightened. I am concerned. And I cannot imagine a life without this man, this Master that I once hated with every core of my being.

If something were to happen to him, then, what would happen to me? I question that, and immediately I feel selfish. And I start worrying about him all over again.

For the past few days, I have asked him, if there is something I could do. He only pulls me close. He only wraps me in his arms. I am not writing that in a way to make it seem like nothing. It is far more than that. It is as if I sense.. I feel that he wants me, needs me. As if he might think I am the only person left in his life. As if.. I am some sort of lifeline for him. I know, that is a lot to assume, especially from a slave.

But I try to imagine myself in his position. I try to imagine myself with the same madness in my eyes and saying the same things that he has said to me. Then, it makes all perfect sense. He feels alone. Or, I think he feels alone. And so, I simply try to be there for him. Every step of the way, I will be there for him. And it isn't because I have to be.

It is because.. I want to be.